One little, Two little, Three little items...

So there we were, my darlin' and I, checking out at Walmart. As we approached the checkout lane with the bookcase we were purchasing we noticed the 20 items or less sign. Now, while the bookcase was heavy enough and big enough to qualify as more than 20 items it was still really only one item after all it was only one box wasn't it?

In front of us stood this woman with her cart overflowing with what was obviously more than 20 items. Since this was an obvious and flagrant violation of the "20 Items Rule" I decided to, in my most curmudgeonly way, point this out. One good breach of Walmart etiquette deserves another, so I decided to count out loud the number of items that she was removing from the cart. "One, Two, Three..." I counted. Meanwhile my darlin', feeling embarassed, tried to distract me with small talk. "Say did you hear that Jerry Springer will be moderating the next debate between McCain and Obama" she asked. "Eight, Nine, Ten..." "You know I was thinking that we should get a pet armadillo for the cats to play with" "Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-one..." "Hey, how about antelope steaks for dinner?" "Thirty-five, Thirty-six, Thirty-seven..."

Well, to make a long story short, I am sure I annoyed the woman who cared little for the "20 Items or Less" sign (or the line of people that she was backing up). She left without acknowledging my childish antics. My hope is that she will remember the incident the next time she braves a trip to Walmart, and while she probably will still ignore the "20 Items or Less" sign, perhaps she will look over her shoulder to see if I am lurking in the shadows.

John McCain Maverick??!!

Like virtually everyone else in the US, on Thursday evening I watched the VP debate between Palin and Biden. Truth be told I found Palin to be more annoying than presidential. The thought has struck me that she would make a great fourth grade teacher, but I seriously doubt she is able to hold her own among world leaders. Let’s face it Margaret Thatcher she isn’t.

I have also noticed that she and McCain like to throw the term “maverick” around a lot. Now I know that they want us to believe that they mean they don’t do things the “Washington way” but the truth is that they are both politicians and speak and act like politicians. As they say (although I’m not sure who “they” is but I know someone has said it) “If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck; then it’s a duck”. Instead of handing us this “we’re not like other politicians” load of bull they should be honest. But maybe they are being honest…

The primary definition of the term “maverick” is “An unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it”. Now what are the odds that the McCain-Palin ticket is being extremely honest by labeling themselves with the term “maverick”? Could McCain-Palin be announcing to special interest groups that they are for sale? Brilliant!! Advertise yourself in such a way that in government doublespeak makes you look one way to the American people and yet really announces your true intentions to the Washington insiders. BRILLIANT!!

I mean come now, if you really want to vote for someone who runs against the grain of their party then its time to vote for that turncoat Joe Lieberman.

Hey!! Get outta the way!!

OK, today's message is strictly for the bicyclists out there. More specifically the riders that insist on riding down the middle of the road....in front of me. Guys, I know you pride yourself on being able to ride from here to the moon and back without stopping. I know that you do it to exercise. I know that the women out there throw themselves at you at the end of a ride. But do you have to tie up traffic while you are doing it?

Some of the roads that I travel on are barely big enough for two vehicles to pass. Inevitably, one of these cyclists will be crusing down the middle of my lane. Now no matter how hard these iron men peddle, the truth is since I don't drive a Hugo (remember them?) they get in the way and slow me down. Of course, since their ride is so much more important than the line of traffic building up behind them, they make no attempt to get out of the way. And my goat is espically gotten when one of these fellows (or ladies) do not follow the rules. I have seen these people run STOP signs, turn without signaling, and dart out into traffic without looking. Of course, as if to rub it in, they all drive cars with the "Share the Road" bumper sticker on it.

Cyclists, if you want to play with the big boys than play by the rules. I know that your puny little legs are no match for Ford's finest & 87 octane so stay to the side of the road, not the middle of it. If you see a STOP sign then STOP!!! If you don't want to obey traffic signs then get on the sidewalk.

You know if you rode one of those stationary bikes we wouldn't have this problem. After all I don't drive through your living room, do I?

Heeding Warnings

Watching the news this morning I was surprised and dismayed at the number of people in Texas who didn't heed the evacuation warnings when Ike came to town. One would think that when the National Weather Service issues a "get out or die" warning people would listen. Though I am probably not one to talk.

When it comes to warning signs I often have trouble paying attention. For example, a couple of years ago I was in Joshua Tree National Park. Some friends and I were wandering through the Cholla Cactus Garden and taking pictures. Though the signs clearly indicated that the wise move would be to stay on the trail, I didn't listen. The result is pictured below.

But when it comes to life and death warnings I listen and listen clearly. For example I don't stick my tongue in electrical sockets, I don't look down the barrel my handguns, and (for all you Jim Croce fans) I don't "mess around with Jim". To me the Ike warnings were on this level. The National Weather Service didn't issue a "get out or experience a little discomfert" warning, they issued a "get out or face certain death" warning. Newscasters everwhere were talking about how bad this was going to be. Property was going to be destroyed and the lives lost of those who stayed was not worth it. Life is just too valuable.

My sympathies go out to all who suffered through Ike. They will be in my thoughts and prayers over the coming days. I encourage everyone to do likewise. Peace out.

Washington VS Hanson - Washington by a Knockout!

Hello everyone! I haven’t posted in a while and I thought I’d bring you up to speed on how my reading through the Presidents of the US is going. Well, simply put it is going at glacial speed. Truth is, when I stop reading a book for a while I find it hard to pick it up again. Between the move, work, and other escapades going on in my life I put the book on good old George down for a while and haven’t picked it back up (despite having read two other books in the meantime). So the project is on a bit of a hiatus until I can get myself motivated again.

Meanwhile, when I first announced that I was going to read one biography of each of the Presidents I had more than a few noble souls try to tell me he wasn’t the 1st President. You see a while back someone who wasn’t a real historian, but did spend the night at a Holiday Inn, argued that we should count the 7 “presidents” under the Articles of Confederation as presidents before Washington. Now I don’t know what this individual had against George, but his argument is a little specious.

Without going back to civics class to pry apart the differences between a constitutional government and a confederation, let’s just stick with the easy understanding that one creates a collection of entities united for a common good (confederation) and one creates a new entity altogether (constitution). In addition, the Articles of Confederation didn’t create a position “President of the US” but merely a president of the Congress – someone to run the meetings. Now with all this in mind, can we please stop the silliness and let George be the first president??

Charter VS Comcast

Yee-Hah!! I am now Comcast free. My battle with Comcast started years ago; whenever it rained I lost internet access. Comcast customer service was so helpful that it took them roughly 2 years to get the problem fixed. 2 years of: rain - no service, place a call to Comcast, they send a technician a few days later (usually when it wasn't raining - GENIUS!!), everything works, repeat the cycle. I have hated Comcast ever since.

So is Charter any better? I don't know but they are just as confusing. Yesterday they were coming between 1 & 3. So at 12:17 I get a call telling me that they will be here between 12:30 and 1:30. So I wait. Then about 1:25 I get a call telling me he will be here between 2 and 3. Oh well, I shouldn't complain. He came, hooked it up, and it works. We'll see what happens when it rains.

Don't Own it if you can't drive it!

Today I met my buddy for lunch (I'll call him Buddy). When we finished and got to the parking lot I discovered someone parked next to me. Now if you want to drive a vehicle that is just a shade smaller than the state of Delaware, that is your business. But when you park it so close to my vehicle that getting in the driver's side requires me to turn sideways and suck in my gut so that I am no wider than a rolled up newspaper, then its my business. People, if you are going to buy a vehicle then make sure that you actually have the skills to drive the vehicle (or in this case park the vehicle). And no matter what vehicle you own, when parking be considerate of others. You know they paint the lines on the ground for a reason. How about actually trying to get your vehicle in between them?

Sheesh!