One little, Two little, Three little items...

So there we were, my darlin' and I, checking out at Walmart. As we approached the checkout lane with the bookcase we were purchasing we noticed the 20 items or less sign. Now, while the bookcase was heavy enough and big enough to qualify as more than 20 items it was still really only one item after all it was only one box wasn't it?

In front of us stood this woman with her cart overflowing with what was obviously more than 20 items. Since this was an obvious and flagrant violation of the "20 Items Rule" I decided to, in my most curmudgeonly way, point this out. One good breach of Walmart etiquette deserves another, so I decided to count out loud the number of items that she was removing from the cart. "One, Two, Three..." I counted. Meanwhile my darlin', feeling embarassed, tried to distract me with small talk. "Say did you hear that Jerry Springer will be moderating the next debate between McCain and Obama" she asked. "Eight, Nine, Ten..." "You know I was thinking that we should get a pet armadillo for the cats to play with" "Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-one..." "Hey, how about antelope steaks for dinner?" "Thirty-five, Thirty-six, Thirty-seven..."

Well, to make a long story short, I am sure I annoyed the woman who cared little for the "20 Items or Less" sign (or the line of people that she was backing up). She left without acknowledging my childish antics. My hope is that she will remember the incident the next time she braves a trip to Walmart, and while she probably will still ignore the "20 Items or Less" sign, perhaps she will look over her shoulder to see if I am lurking in the shadows.

John McCain Maverick??!!

Like virtually everyone else in the US, on Thursday evening I watched the VP debate between Palin and Biden. Truth be told I found Palin to be more annoying than presidential. The thought has struck me that she would make a great fourth grade teacher, but I seriously doubt she is able to hold her own among world leaders. Let’s face it Margaret Thatcher she isn’t.

I have also noticed that she and McCain like to throw the term “maverick” around a lot. Now I know that they want us to believe that they mean they don’t do things the “Washington way” but the truth is that they are both politicians and speak and act like politicians. As they say (although I’m not sure who “they” is but I know someone has said it) “If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck; then it’s a duck”. Instead of handing us this “we’re not like other politicians” load of bull they should be honest. But maybe they are being honest…

The primary definition of the term “maverick” is “An unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it”. Now what are the odds that the McCain-Palin ticket is being extremely honest by labeling themselves with the term “maverick”? Could McCain-Palin be announcing to special interest groups that they are for sale? Brilliant!! Advertise yourself in such a way that in government doublespeak makes you look one way to the American people and yet really announces your true intentions to the Washington insiders. BRILLIANT!!

I mean come now, if you really want to vote for someone who runs against the grain of their party then its time to vote for that turncoat Joe Lieberman.

Hey!! Get outta the way!!

OK, today's message is strictly for the bicyclists out there. More specifically the riders that insist on riding down the middle of the road....in front of me. Guys, I know you pride yourself on being able to ride from here to the moon and back without stopping. I know that you do it to exercise. I know that the women out there throw themselves at you at the end of a ride. But do you have to tie up traffic while you are doing it?

Some of the roads that I travel on are barely big enough for two vehicles to pass. Inevitably, one of these cyclists will be crusing down the middle of my lane. Now no matter how hard these iron men peddle, the truth is since I don't drive a Hugo (remember them?) they get in the way and slow me down. Of course, since their ride is so much more important than the line of traffic building up behind them, they make no attempt to get out of the way. And my goat is espically gotten when one of these fellows (or ladies) do not follow the rules. I have seen these people run STOP signs, turn without signaling, and dart out into traffic without looking. Of course, as if to rub it in, they all drive cars with the "Share the Road" bumper sticker on it.

Cyclists, if you want to play with the big boys than play by the rules. I know that your puny little legs are no match for Ford's finest & 87 octane so stay to the side of the road, not the middle of it. If you see a STOP sign then STOP!!! If you don't want to obey traffic signs then get on the sidewalk.

You know if you rode one of those stationary bikes we wouldn't have this problem. After all I don't drive through your living room, do I?

Heeding Warnings

Watching the news this morning I was surprised and dismayed at the number of people in Texas who didn't heed the evacuation warnings when Ike came to town. One would think that when the National Weather Service issues a "get out or die" warning people would listen. Though I am probably not one to talk.

When it comes to warning signs I often have trouble paying attention. For example, a couple of years ago I was in Joshua Tree National Park. Some friends and I were wandering through the Cholla Cactus Garden and taking pictures. Though the signs clearly indicated that the wise move would be to stay on the trail, I didn't listen. The result is pictured below.

But when it comes to life and death warnings I listen and listen clearly. For example I don't stick my tongue in electrical sockets, I don't look down the barrel my handguns, and (for all you Jim Croce fans) I don't "mess around with Jim". To me the Ike warnings were on this level. The National Weather Service didn't issue a "get out or experience a little discomfert" warning, they issued a "get out or face certain death" warning. Newscasters everwhere were talking about how bad this was going to be. Property was going to be destroyed and the lives lost of those who stayed was not worth it. Life is just too valuable.

My sympathies go out to all who suffered through Ike. They will be in my thoughts and prayers over the coming days. I encourage everyone to do likewise. Peace out.

Washington VS Hanson - Washington by a Knockout!

Hello everyone! I haven’t posted in a while and I thought I’d bring you up to speed on how my reading through the Presidents of the US is going. Well, simply put it is going at glacial speed. Truth is, when I stop reading a book for a while I find it hard to pick it up again. Between the move, work, and other escapades going on in my life I put the book on good old George down for a while and haven’t picked it back up (despite having read two other books in the meantime). So the project is on a bit of a hiatus until I can get myself motivated again.

Meanwhile, when I first announced that I was going to read one biography of each of the Presidents I had more than a few noble souls try to tell me he wasn’t the 1st President. You see a while back someone who wasn’t a real historian, but did spend the night at a Holiday Inn, argued that we should count the 7 “presidents” under the Articles of Confederation as presidents before Washington. Now I don’t know what this individual had against George, but his argument is a little specious.

Without going back to civics class to pry apart the differences between a constitutional government and a confederation, let’s just stick with the easy understanding that one creates a collection of entities united for a common good (confederation) and one creates a new entity altogether (constitution). In addition, the Articles of Confederation didn’t create a position “President of the US” but merely a president of the Congress – someone to run the meetings. Now with all this in mind, can we please stop the silliness and let George be the first president??

Charter VS Comcast

Yee-Hah!! I am now Comcast free. My battle with Comcast started years ago; whenever it rained I lost internet access. Comcast customer service was so helpful that it took them roughly 2 years to get the problem fixed. 2 years of: rain - no service, place a call to Comcast, they send a technician a few days later (usually when it wasn't raining - GENIUS!!), everything works, repeat the cycle. I have hated Comcast ever since.

So is Charter any better? I don't know but they are just as confusing. Yesterday they were coming between 1 & 3. So at 12:17 I get a call telling me that they will be here between 12:30 and 1:30. So I wait. Then about 1:25 I get a call telling me he will be here between 2 and 3. Oh well, I shouldn't complain. He came, hooked it up, and it works. We'll see what happens when it rains.

Don't Own it if you can't drive it!

Today I met my buddy for lunch (I'll call him Buddy). When we finished and got to the parking lot I discovered someone parked next to me. Now if you want to drive a vehicle that is just a shade smaller than the state of Delaware, that is your business. But when you park it so close to my vehicle that getting in the driver's side requires me to turn sideways and suck in my gut so that I am no wider than a rolled up newspaper, then its my business. People, if you are going to buy a vehicle then make sure that you actually have the skills to drive the vehicle (or in this case park the vehicle). And no matter what vehicle you own, when parking be considerate of others. You know they paint the lines on the ground for a reason. How about actually trying to get your vehicle in between them?

Sheesh!

I'm Baack!!

Well, I haven't posted in a while (since May 20 so says blogspot) but I'm back. Not only back but back with a Crazy Hair-Brained Scheme. See during my little vacation from posting I discovered the author A. J. Jacobs. I read his "Year of Living Biblically" where he tries to live out to the letter all the dos and don'ts of the Bible. I also read "The Know-It-All" where he decides to read the Encyclopedia Britannica from start to finish. It is this chronicle that has given me my Crazy Hair-Brained Scheme. I am going to further my study of US history by reading one biography on each of the Presidents. Oh yeah, in order.

Now I do realize that for some this may be light reading - Millard Fillmore comes to mind - but for the most part this should be some serious stuff. On the odd chance I cannot find a biography of a president - again Millard Fillmore comes to mind - I'll have to substitute from somewhere....hmmm maybe the EB can be my fallback.

Shame on Kentucky

21% of the Democrats in Kentucky admitted that race played a part on their decision to vote for Hillary Clinton. I find that statistic shameful. If Clinton had a shred of honor about her she would denounce such a statistic and tell those 21% "Thanks but no thanks" for your vote. To vote or not to vote for someone based on the color of their skin is baloney. I'll close by reminding Kentucky that it is 2008 not the 1860's. Time to get with the program.

Campaining for Mom...but don't ask questions...

This morning on the news I saw a story about the Clinton daughter and how she is on the campaing trail for her mom, but she won't let the news media ask her questions. WHAT!?!? It would seem to me that the media should be attacking the absurdity of an individual who CHOOSES to put themself in the spotlight by campaining for Mom and yet won't talk to reporters. Unfortunately, they aren't. Favoritism?? Perhaps, but I am not sure. They have been doing a good job on reporting Hilary's Fairy Tale about landing under sniper fire and all that. So the evidence is inconclusive. What is certain is that the daughter even went so far as to tell a youngin' (and by that I mean younger than High School) that she wouldn't talk to him because he worked for the school newspaper.

Isn't anyone else sick of this typically Clintonesque type of behavior? I suppose that all depends on what your definition of "is" is.

First Hike of the Season

Elise Holmes nature park is one of those places that can make you think that you are out in the middle of nowhere. It is close and yesterday my darlin' and I were the only ones out on the trail. It is a small but quaint place. After the winter hiking hibernation it is just the place to stretch your legs. If you live in the area and haven't been there well, that is just your loss.

EEK! It's the World.....I'm afraid.

So today I am wondering “what are Christians afraid of?” The reason I wonder this is that I am reading “They like Jesus, but not the Church” and in it the author describes Christians retreating into “the bubble”. Honestly, for a while I thought it was just my denomination. Basically, this event occurs when an individual or group of individuals retreat from the world into their own little enclave of people who supposedly share the same religious beliefs. Imagine, if you will, a family where the children (in addition to attending church programs) attend church schools never rubbing shoulders with children who aren’t Christian (even to the extent that the denomination has their own version of the Boy Scouts). These children then grow up to attend Christian colleges and then after graduation when they enter the workforce perhaps they encounter other denominations and even nonbelievers. Many seek denominational employment.

Matthew 5:15-16 states very clearly that this should not be so. Christians are commanded to let our light shine before the world and not hide it under a basket. So why are our children hidden in Christian schools while the adults flee into the sanctuary of the Christian “bubble”. What is it that we are afraid of that keeps us from following Jesus’ command?

Messin' with Nigerian Hoodlums

About two weeks ago I got the millionth peace of "someone died in Nigeria and we can make you rich" SPAM. Now I normally delete these things with glee, but just recently I had been reading on the 'net about an individual who decided to waste the scammers time. Thinking that this was a good idea I decided to do likewise, so I sent them an email in reply. In the reply I fed them all kinds of things that they wanted to hear (except account info, of course). I alluded to the fact that I knew the nephew of the "deceased" and generally played along with their game. Until Wednesday when I finally got the email that outlined how I was supposed to get my "inheritance".

I had two options 1. To fly to Nigeria and claim it or 2. Send them $4500 (& my bank info). So for the last three days we have been arguing because I told them I was coming to Nigeria. I even looked up Delta's flight info and made up a phony itinerary. I will be catching a flight out of Atlanta Monday night and arriving in Lagos, Nigeria on Tuesday morning(NOT). You should have seen them whining trying to convince me not to come.

Needless to say I will continue to feed them bogus information and generally waste their time. For now I am messing with the scammers.....

Inferior products at Target

Buyers Beware! From the "you get what you pay for category": this summer I purchased a chair from Target. It was one of those $150 put it together ones from their Mission collection. So I have this thing like 6 months and one night I go to sit down in it and I hear a loud "crack". Upon inspection I discover that one of the wooden supports that hold the seat cushion up has broken rendering the chair useless (except for as an oversized paperweight perhaps). Now before you all start making weight jokes at my expense let me tell you that I clock in at right around 200 lbs so it shouldn't be all that hard for a store with the resources that Target has to find a manufacturer to design and make a chair that will handle my weight. Chalking it up to the "luck of the draw" I proceed to repair the chair and continue in enjoying it.

That is until yesterday morning when a second wooden support snapped. OK, one support is bad luck, two means that the chair is a piece of junk. Naturally I inform Target of their Chair of Inferior Worksmanship as I am now calling it. To which I get a "so sorry, tough luck Charlie" form letter back. Their customer service was neither quite frankly.

The moral of this story: Don't by stuff at Target. Its inferior and they don't care!!!

Thanks for listening.

I watched time stand still...

OK, time for a sports rant today. Last night I watched the Tennessee/Rutgers game and was appalled by the officials. For those of you who aren’t aware, Rutgers was ahead, the clock was winding down…and suddenly as if by magic it stops with .2 seconds left on it. Play continues and yet the clock never ticked down. Well, after an eternity went by Rutgers fouls Tennessee sending them to the free throw line where they sink two baskets to win the game. Rutgers gets the ball back but can’t do anything with it (of course its .2 seconds).

Now please don’t think that this post is a rant because I am a Rutgers fan. Whether you wear scarlet or that awful orange it isn’t a matter of opinion but one of counting. When a clock pauses it becomes obvious, when a clock measuring seconds or portions thereof it is really obvious. In fact this was such an obvious blunder that the refs refused to speak to the media about it after the game.

Once again in college sports (or even sports in general) there is no accountability. Think about it…if you or I made a horrible blunder at work we get reprimanded or even fired. What happens in sports when the refs make a blunder?? Nothing. If the NCAA had a shred of integrity about them they would institute some sort of accountability system so that horrible refs (like the ones who worked last night) would be accountable for their mistakes. After all we are.

Shoot the Message not the Messenger

Why is it when it comes to the message of Salvation we are quick to blame the Message for the actions of the messenger. For example, if a Bible-thumper were to show up at your door presenting the message of salvation in an unloving, uncaring, obnoxious way, the typical response is "God doesn't exist see how that person is acting". But if that same thumper were to present the message "Your house is on fire" in the same unloving...obnoxious manner you wouldn't respond "fire doesn't exist see how that person is acting". Most likely you would say something like, "I don't appreciate the way you presented the message" followed by "where is my hose?"

Now this may seem like a silly metaphor to you but think about it. When we see a Christian acting in an un-Christian manner instead of asking what it is that the Christian is struggling with to make him act that way, we discredit Christianity as a whole. Furthermore, we look at the actions of the radical few instead of the moderate majority. One cannot blame an entire belief system (or nation or political party for that matter) based on the actions of the extremist few. That is like being bitten by a kitten and declaring that all kittens are evil.

The truth of the matter is that people are errant fallable beings and their actions are no reason to condemn an entire belief system. The rational thinking individual examines that belief system to see if it makes a difference in their life. In other words, look at God and see what He does for you, don't judge Him based on the actions of others.

Peace out...

I'm shopping (part 2), please lie to me...

There I was Monday night continuing my futile search for an MTSU hoodie. I was with my darlin' at Hamilton Place and decided to check out the store "College Station". Now, with a name like "College Station" I thought for sure they would have an MTSU hoddie. The store is in Tennessee after all (albeit Chattanooga). Unfortunately, I searched to no avail. Evidently a more fitting name for this particular establishment would be "University of Tennessee / University of Georgia Station". Perhaps the proprietors of this establishment think that there are only two colleges that are worthy of having their products carried. I don't know.

Feeling somewhat frustrated and thinking I was perhaps blind I asked the kid (and I do mean kid) behind the counter about an MTSU hoodie. The kid told me that all the MTSU merchandise goes to their Murfreesboro store (at least he know where MTSU is). Now here is the kicker...according to their website "College Station" doesn't have a store in Murfreesboro. Pretty inventive huh?

Now I know there are those of you worried that I didn't get my MTSU hoodie. We'll I will. There is a wonderful place in cyberspace called "Fansedge" and THEY had an MTSU hoodie for me. Ah, the power of the internet.

Until next time...

Use your "inside voice"

Parents...when in a hotel please tell your kids to use their "inside voice" and for that matter use it yourself as well. This morning I woke up to a mother and her children yelling in our hallway. While I didn't go and investigate it sounded as if they were staying on either end of the hallway and decided to communicate by screaming down it to each other. Evidently this "lady" didn't care about the people staying in the 10 or so rooms between her and her children. Either that or she thought that we all wanted to hear her and her children. I never thought I'd see the day when I welcomed the noise of the heater because it drowned out the yahoo's in the hallway. Granted, I'm staying at a Days Inn and not the Waldorf Astoria, but gimmie a break I deserve some quiet too. So folks be kind to each other and remember you are in a hotel hallway, not the stands at the Daytona 500.

Later...

I'm shopping, please interrupt me

What is it these days with pushy sales people in the mall? Today I was at Oprey Mills and was stopped no less than four times by an overzealous salesperson trying to get me to sign up for this, take a flyer for that, etc... What happened to the day when the sales person lurked in the shadows and waited paitently for the customer to approach them? Of course, when I actually do need some help it seems that there is a worldwide coffee break for salespeople and one cannot be found anywhere in the store. Truth of the matter is that cusrtomer service is as dead as Julius Caesar. Most of the time the customer is treated as if the store is doing them the favor. Retailers listen up, stop badgering me to buy your product. Quit beating me over the head with empty promises and weak sales pitches. Provide me with a quality product at a reasonable price and I will come runing to your store like Dracula to the blood bank. Put the energy invested in harassing me as I walk about the mall to creating a quality product, drop the gimmics, and I'll be shopping in your store.

Later....

My First Post...Mixed Reviews

Blogging, everyone is doing it. Everyone but me that it; until today. That’s right I finally signed up for an account here and well, the experience was less than rewarding. Let me let loose with a disclaimer that perhaps the problems I experienced are limited to today when I was creating my account and trying to post my first blog.

That being said, this thing is slow (today anyway). In the amount of time it took me to create this account and this post I could have hand delivered a printed copy of this message to each and every one of you. Whenever I clicked on the link to create a post, I would get nothing but white screen. Since I haven’t been skiing lately I know it wasn’t snow blindness, but rather the blogspot computer trying to figure out what to do. So, being the impatient man that I am, I would close the screen, wait a few, log back in and try again. Logging in wasn’t difficult but I got the same results when trying to create a post. Perhaps it was blogspot’s way of telling me I really didn’t have anything to say, but I resorted to writing this in Word and I’ll be cutting and pasting this into a post if I can ever get past the “white page”.

I am not discouraged and will keep posting to this site. Stay tuned…